So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
