He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Randomize
