the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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