The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
