"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
