there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
