Your mouth is God's brothel.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
