I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
