I will die if light touches me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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