Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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