Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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