The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
