My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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