There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
