I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
