have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
