God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
