my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
