She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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