is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
