I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
