we made out on top of his cat.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
