It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
