I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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