i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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