you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
