Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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