My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
