I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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