so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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