I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
