You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
