Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my being single is dangerous.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
