Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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