it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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