So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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