Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
