Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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