it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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