I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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