my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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