Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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