I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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