I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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