I CAN MOONWALK!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
did i walk over a car last night?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
