He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The air was thick with penises
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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