True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
