SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
