She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I lost the right to judge tonight
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
