Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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