how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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