i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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