i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
