I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
