And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
