Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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