At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize