She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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