turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
